If we don't change, we don't grow.
If we don't grow, we aren't really living.

update!

FUN WEEKEND LAST WEEK zomg. lol
ok, start of with..
Saturday!
attended 1735's SPLAT! event at red dynasty paint ball park :D
uhhh soo yea. was super fun in my opinion!
tho i got a minor "lovebite" mark on my arm after the game :)i got hairy arms, damn lol.
well, when i got "shot" i just swept it off quickly
and after the game, i thought my blood was the paintball's paint
but as i took a closer look, i realised it's blood rofl.
ok whatever. had lunch with church friends,
got home, went to lot 1 to book tickets for 11.15pm's Watchmen
and went home again -.-, to take a nap.
headed down to meet up with buddies and went to watch the show.
it's a pretty awesome show. tho it's really gorey at some parts :)
which i enjoy alot. did you know i was a sadist? now u know!
i mean, comon i can play left 4 dead expert mode 3am in the morning
using headphones at calvins house, full blast,
and seriously laugh out loud when i kill zombies.
im pretty sick in the head, sorry. :(
ok. so the show was pretty awesome.was confusing at the beginning, but as the show goes on
it's pretty easy to understand.
i'd give it 8/10 stars. why?
show was too long..
and their music ain't cool. :P
ok, slept at freaking 3.30am
and woke up at 9am.
well, that's kinda bullshit cause i did that 3 times in a row.
sleep 3 wake up 9.
argh.
sunday.
went to church as usual,
was singing, and i got pretty emo.
not emo emo.
but i dunno, the lyrics
kinda remind me that "he" is still watching over me,
no matter how much of a jerk i am.
no constant praying,
and doing all those thing i was taught since i was a kid.
i feel so fkin retarded when i think about it.
my eyes was prickling after the song session.
i never thought i'd felt that way again tho.
i mean, i thought i'd hidden all types of emotions(or try to)
i dunno,
maybe, what my friend told me last time was true
im not being true to myself.
not showing my true side to people.
always trying to be a joker.
etc.

im confused to be honest.
which is the real me.
my personalities keeps changing.
joker when with my friends.
quiet guy when im working(cept the throwing of "joke" and bad remarks at each other),
quiet guy when im in church(now anyways i dun remember being quiet last time)

10 year old guy when im with my family, cousins etc.
fucking emo kid when i'm alone.
wow.
what the fuck seriously.
which is the real me. i don't know anymore.
but i am sure that the joker part was always with me.
since primary school.
i'd always try to make ppl laugh even if
i end up being an asshole in the process. :(
oh well.
i don't know myself anymore.
but
"he" knows
i wish i'd be more "holy" in some way.
but when i started to isolate myself when i was
in secondary 4
stop going to service, stop joining cg, etc.
i lost myself then,
i became a fucking full time retard with no life.
games
Every single fucking day.
i messed up my sleep time too,
messed up my schoolwork,
messed up my friendships,
messed up with everything.
gain more weight,
became more and more lazy.
ok, stop
the point is, i messed up everything during that period.
even my believes.
but i know he's still watching over me..
cause if he wasn't i wouldn't have felt that way during church service.
i was wrong, when i thought
i could hide away all my emotions,
the "cry" part anyways.
i haven't cried in years
i remembered
the last time i cried was in sec 3, and boom.
it all stopped.
till yesterday,
the sensation was back
but i didn't cry
i felt like crying.
no i don't like to show my weak side to anyone
anymore
i'd been mind fucked, several thousand times,
by my superiors, my chefs, my friends,
but
i smiled at time and gave them the international peace sign everytime.
yea the fucking middle finger.
oh well, shit.. i'm spilling out everything here.
i don't really have anyone to confide my feelings/thoughs/secrets in.
only 2 person now.
2 person in the universe, i think i could trust them with my life.
if i were to die now, my life story would be pretty
damn
pathetic. haha.
ok enough
seriously enough emoness.
i've changed.
and i know it.

BOOM, finally got my new phone yesterday.
Nokia 5800 XpressMusic.:D i was so in love with it,
but i was very tempted to get samsung pixon.
but whatever, got it means got it already.
no more liquor for the next 2 months. *cries*
ok, dammit.
went back to work today.
boring as usual,
and i freaking cut my hand again today,
as i was doing some thinking.
oh well!
ending my post for today!

oh ya, happy birthday to all march peeps!
nazlie, wella, bryan, stephanie!
if u guys ever come across my blog :)

lulzcorner.
did i tell you guys, i'm in love with this comedian.
watch and u'll understand.
but i've got a nasty sense of humor, sorry. :P

ciaossu!