If we don't change, we don't grow.
If we don't grow, we aren't really living.

update!

FUN WEEKEND LAST WEEK zomg. lol
ok, start of with..
Saturday!
attended 1735's SPLAT! event at red dynasty paint ball park :D
uhhh soo yea. was super fun in my opinion!
tho i got a minor "lovebite" mark on my arm after the game :)i got hairy arms, damn lol.
well, when i got "shot" i just swept it off quickly
and after the game, i thought my blood was the paintball's paint
but as i took a closer look, i realised it's blood rofl.
ok whatever. had lunch with church friends,
got home, went to lot 1 to book tickets for 11.15pm's Watchmen
and went home again -.-, to take a nap.
headed down to meet up with buddies and went to watch the show.
it's a pretty awesome show. tho it's really gorey at some parts :)
which i enjoy alot. did you know i was a sadist? now u know!
i mean, comon i can play left 4 dead expert mode 3am in the morning
using headphones at calvins house, full blast,
and seriously laugh out loud when i kill zombies.
im pretty sick in the head, sorry. :(
ok. so the show was pretty awesome.was confusing at the beginning, but as the show goes on
it's pretty easy to understand.
i'd give it 8/10 stars. why?
show was too long..
and their music ain't cool. :P
ok, slept at freaking 3.30am
and woke up at 9am.
well, that's kinda bullshit cause i did that 3 times in a row.
sleep 3 wake up 9.
argh.
sunday.
went to church as usual,
was singing, and i got pretty emo.
not emo emo.
but i dunno, the lyrics
kinda remind me that "he" is still watching over me,
no matter how much of a jerk i am.
no constant praying,
and doing all those thing i was taught since i was a kid.
i feel so fkin retarded when i think about it.
my eyes was prickling after the song session.
i never thought i'd felt that way again tho.
i mean, i thought i'd hidden all types of emotions(or try to)
i dunno,
maybe, what my friend told me last time was true
im not being true to myself.
not showing my true side to people.
always trying to be a joker.
etc.

im confused to be honest.
which is the real me.
my personalities keeps changing.
joker when with my friends.
quiet guy when im working(cept the throwing of "joke" and bad remarks at each other),
quiet guy when im in church(now anyways i dun remember being quiet last time)

10 year old guy when im with my family, cousins etc.
fucking emo kid when i'm alone.
wow.
what the fuck seriously.
which is the real me. i don't know anymore.
but i am sure that the joker part was always with me.
since primary school.
i'd always try to make ppl laugh even if
i end up being an asshole in the process. :(
oh well.
i don't know myself anymore.
but
"he" knows
i wish i'd be more "holy" in some way.
but when i started to isolate myself when i was
in secondary 4
stop going to service, stop joining cg, etc.
i lost myself then,
i became a fucking full time retard with no life.
games
Every single fucking day.
i messed up my sleep time too,
messed up my schoolwork,
messed up my friendships,
messed up with everything.
gain more weight,
became more and more lazy.
ok, stop
the point is, i messed up everything during that period.
even my believes.
but i know he's still watching over me..
cause if he wasn't i wouldn't have felt that way during church service.
i was wrong, when i thought
i could hide away all my emotions,
the "cry" part anyways.
i haven't cried in years
i remembered
the last time i cried was in sec 3, and boom.
it all stopped.
till yesterday,
the sensation was back
but i didn't cry
i felt like crying.
no i don't like to show my weak side to anyone
anymore
i'd been mind fucked, several thousand times,
by my superiors, my chefs, my friends,
but
i smiled at time and gave them the international peace sign everytime.
yea the fucking middle finger.
oh well, shit.. i'm spilling out everything here.
i don't really have anyone to confide my feelings/thoughs/secrets in.
only 2 person now.
2 person in the universe, i think i could trust them with my life.
if i were to die now, my life story would be pretty
damn
pathetic. haha.
ok enough
seriously enough emoness.
i've changed.
and i know it.

BOOM, finally got my new phone yesterday.
Nokia 5800 XpressMusic.:D i was so in love with it,
but i was very tempted to get samsung pixon.
but whatever, got it means got it already.
no more liquor for the next 2 months. *cries*
ok, dammit.
went back to work today.
boring as usual,
and i freaking cut my hand again today,
as i was doing some thinking.
oh well!
ending my post for today!

oh ya, happy birthday to all march peeps!
nazlie, wella, bryan, stephanie!
if u guys ever come across my blog :)

lulzcorner.
did i tell you guys, i'm in love with this comedian.
watch and u'll understand.
but i've got a nasty sense of humor, sorry. :P

ciaossu!

Things do not change, We change.

Crossfade - Cold
Looking back at me I see
That I never really got it right
I never stopped to think of you
I'm always wrapped up in
Things I cannnot win
You are the antidote that gets me by
Something strong
Like a drug that gets me high

(Chorus)
What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
Never meant to be so cold
(x2)

To you, I'm sorry about all the lies
Maybe in a different light
You could see me stand on my own again
Cause now i can see
You were the antidote that got me by
Something strong like a drug that got me high

(Chorus)

I never meant to be so cold

I never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me
I never really wanted you to go
So many things you should have known
I guess for me theres just no hope

(Chorus)

back to blog!
the song Cold from Crossfade rocks so much.
:) tho its emo from a view.
but it's really meaningful to me. haha.
im such a emo kid sometimes..
oh well.

soo.. where'd i start from. mm...
oh yea.. finally get to go to church again.. after 1&1/2 month.
lmao. so that day after i went to church..
met up with raymond, calvin and ivine for lunch at 302.
had a nice lunch and went to get stuff for our steamboat dinner!
got quite alot of food!
darn. lol
went back to cal's house and i was playing wow again.
HHAHAHHA.. still can raid 10man naxxramas on his laptop.
IM LEET.
whatever... had our steamboat dinner and slacked at his house for abit.
then headed to lot 1 MoF to had some supper.
and...
i need to stop myself from eating..
every night i go out for supper with them.
LOL. it's BADDD.
when it's around 10.30pm everytime.
so i'll just sit down and lim-kopi! :D
okok.
whatever. whatever.

emoness.
im really
really.. tired.
and confused, in a way..
sigh.
save me, someone.
should i just give up w/o even trying.
that'll make me a fucking failure/pussy.
raymond advised me not to rebuke myself..
but i can't help it. sigh.
ugh. whatever. lol.

lolzcorner. dane cook FOR THE WIN HAHAH!

Ciaossu.

I thought I'd forget you,
but I guess I forgot to.

Was off for 3 days last week!
how... boring... cause nothing much to do
lol, being to used to working sucks sometimes.
Having a bad sorethroat and a annoying flu!
been 4 days already! damn!
ASDFGHGHJ!!!!

oh ya! i got a new birkenstock slipper
and ordered new specs
im now officially..
BROKE.
#$%@..

Been watching Vampire Knight Guilty recently.

so damn nice imo.

Saturday
Went out and had brunch with khek.
then accompanied him down to yishun's safra to get something.
headed to his house after that,
had him transfer all the old school game/shows/anime to his hdd!
finally i got something to do the next 2 days!

Sunday
Went to church.
Had lunch with church friends
Played Battlefield vietnam, CS and DotA with them.
so many people lah, lol! like 17?
damn, haven't played dota for so long, so damn weak already!
oh well, not that i have time to play anyways! :D
and apparently some of my church friends are pretty imba!
*salute*
headed back to lot 1 after that to get something.

Monday
slack at home whole day! weeeeeeee!
watched oldschool movies.. -.-

oh well. my life is boring!
and i think i'm too naive! in many many ways, sigh.
trying to forget someone is difficult.
sad when u've already forgotten once, and now it comes back.


oh well.
lulzcorner!

i don't fucking get it either, but i lol'd anyway.
i dunno why i always come across this kinda stuff -.- oh well
i don't specifically go and find this kinda videos, FYI.
it's ridiculous.
Ciaossu!

Have you ever noticed that
the worst way to miss someone
is when they are right beside you
and you can never have them?

This movie is da shit!
Lady Prestor AkA Onyxia of the Black dragonflight is so overpowered!
standing there and just moving her arm to fight the rogue.
the rogue vs rogue fight was nice too!
author for this movie rocks,
no idea how he made the character movements so fluent.
cause the game we play,
movements are all scripted, making it stiff in a way.
salute again to the creator of this movie.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
2009 OMGOSH!
BORING YEAR I HOPE NOT!
so countdown much everyone?
cause i sure did!
Stayed back in my hotel after work,
and got wasteddddddd~
1/2 bottle of champagne, 2 jugs of tiger, and 1 jug of pepsi whisky
HAHAHAHHA ITS FREE ok, FREE! I LOVE IT.
FREE
but came with a freaking heavy price, hangovers.
oh shit.
yea, drank those and socialised with some hotel people,
and our cafe's manager was so fucking drunk,
that he told me to GTFO of the kitchen i work in.
WTFLOL.
and so
met kevin outside zouk.[I was already fuking high/tipsy that time]
lol.
wanted to go phuture, but was fullll[uckuckuck]!
so we went down to central mall instead,
went to lots of pub and ended up in some lolcafe/pub
Hooters.
ate some supper and drank some beer.[again]

walking down the night streets of singapore,
I WAS SHOUTING RANDOMLY FOR NO REASON! i remember alright.
i gave some ang mohs the buddy[nigger] fist greeting,
and shouted happy new year to some mama shop uncle and random people walking.
and also random shouts of "oi" which makes everybody's head turn to you.
/facepalm
i would NEVER EVER dare to do this kinda shit when i'm sober.
so damn pai seh. LOL.
but i was swaying around when i was walking,
so they most prolly know i was tipsy/super high.
yes, i'm tipsy i dont get drunk ever.
:x

BUT,
I did a good deed!
was around 3.30am in the morning,
waiting for a cab,
so i was so tipsy, i went to sat down on the side of the roads.
there were some girls sitting beside me,
waiting for cab
well the whole central mall's crowded with people waiting for cab anyways.
so this group of girls were waitin for cab,
till they decided to cross over the other side of the road
since this side was too crowded
and this girl forgot to take her bag when she crossed over.
so i ran across the road to return her stuff!
i so kind la!
LOL.
so yea, got back to the hotel around 5am,
slept for an hour, woke up, took a shower and went straight back to work.
WITH A FREAKING MIGRAINE
......
oh well.

the in house guest this morning was around 700+
i was making omelettes and doing breakfast stuff like a madman.
good new year i'm having yo!
tho i DID fall asleep while making omelette this morning.
:D

SOME REAL LIFE PICS!

The Foie Gras i did last night~
oh yea, i bought new sneakers the last time i went out with khek!
and lol@myretardedjustwokeupfase.

OH YA I WANNA BUY A NEW PAIR O SLIPPERS!
but dunno what kind to get,
help! bah!

ok, so my new year's day was pretty fun,
cause i didn't sleep at all. WOOOhooo!
ok. gonna go sleep now.
bye.

lololcorner.

Ciaossu!

Working in the F&B line

shows you how some greedy and selfish people are.
Example, roast pork. extremely crispy skin.
but the pork itself is only
that small size
and some dude came over and told me to give him the skin
from the whole pork.
i was like "wtfuck dude, can't you see the queue behind u" in my mind.
buffet, theres more than 25 kinds of different dishes for you to take from
and you fucking want this whole thing
so others couldn't have the chance to taste it?
you're not the only fucking person paying money to eat here.
sometimes i wished i could shout at them.
pfft.
k
enough of pointless whining.


What da gimp looks like now :DChange of weapon soon tho hooo. DPS INC!
Pre-ordered my copy of Wrath of the Lich King.
most prolly going down to the event on 14th october.
Suntec City.Oh man can't wait. the excitement
like the time i went down during the launch of The Burning Crusade.

Oh ya.
Wanted to meet up with geek squad yesterday morning.
but dex just have to rest.
so didn't meet up in the end.
/sigh.
and my mind was whirling again while working yesterday.
due to some heart matters yet again
QQ.

oh well some lulz.

Ciaossu.

k, i need to have a change of work schedule on saturday and sunday..

but my chef hasn't come in days...
omfgwtfbbq.
ok. whatever,
life's been boring as usual.
went back to school to collect my transcript.
won't say my GPA,
it's kinda shitty
cause i was slacking during my last term.
met some old friends that're still in school :)
bought lot of BS(bullshit) from westmall,
and headed home.


met some freeloaders outside my house's basement.
damn cute freeloaders tho :)aww.
finally a clear shoti tried to feed them biscuits. wtf am i thinking LOL.
i don't them to get my hand near them tho.
since their mom kept hissing at me :(

i'm not a big fan of cats. but kitten is another thing.
i remember trying to raise to kitten when i was a kid,
cause there are always alot of them near my house.
lol, going down the lang gao outside my house to catch them.
i'm bad. i know :D.

k, met up with ernest after that for abit for dinner
and went home. . . .
whatever man. i want some sleep soon.
gotta respawn early tomorrow morning again.

ok some lol for the day.
Ciaossu.

Ni Hao all,

off day again today.
woke up like super early today and went to ben's house.
why?
CONQUER BUKIT TIMAH HILL.
...
wtf?
..
.
erm ok. so we walked from his house
Petir to the hill summit.
took about 1 hour.
quite fast huh?
thanks to ben's dad who lead us through.
and yea.
dex got poked by a thorn from a tree lmao
(WHY U GET OWN EVERYWHERE U GO? FAIL LOL! :P)
hope he isn't traumatized by the trip!
HAHA.

some pics i took.this monkey here was nice enough to come down the tree
and pose for the cam.
thanks buddy.(zoom'd in quite abit cause i was scared that it'll mistake my phone as food :D)

We slacked at the summit hut for abit before coming down.
and headed to dex house to wait for them to get clean up.

then headed to lot1 ntuc to buy some ingredients
and i ended up cooking a meal for them.
damn i hate my house kitchen..
not much utensils and tools to assist my happy cooking :(
(i want my personal kitchen soon!)


ok. so i slacked abit on their cooking. cause i lack alot of stuff
and it's last min preparations :(
and we are all very HUNGRY.
just basically french fries, baked beans, saute brocolli and mushrooms and cajun chicken :O
(very random, yes i know i suck :( )
so played abit and watch'd tv for abit.
then headed down to lot1 and teck whye for their army specs hunt.
end of another off day. bah.

well figured only this kinda off days can keep my mind off from "her",
and thinking stupid things.
do i like it? i dunno.

ok, whatever
ilovethisvideo.
NA SI WA WU JI PA BAN!111!!one

Ciaossu!

"When does a person really die? Is it when they'd been shot?
NO, a person dies if HE HAS BEEN FORGOTTEN!"

sometimes when i look around,

examining the human behavior.
i wonder what teenagers nowadays are thinking.
was taking train to work yesterday around 1.45pm.
and while i was on the mrt platform.
this 2 teens(age15-16) was waiting for the train too.
wearing same cloths and pants and to the extend of having same hairstyles.
(makes me wonder if young teens nowadays are turning gay. oh well)
must be going out since it was Friday and school ends early for secondary school students.
so yea, quite alot of people on the platform.
so.. this boy threw a used tissue on the platform ground,
and most probably wasn't intending to pick it up.
after a while,
a white haired lady(age 60-65) picked up the tissue.
and told them not to litter.
boy's reply was,
"Bu shi wo diu de la"(not i throw one)
at that time. i was wondering how stupid people can get nowadays.you threw it on the ground. with so many people watching
and yet you deny.
lol.
Fail much?

oh well.
Life's been sucky as usual lately(won't elaborate much) :)
can't help it tho. hahah.
mmm. yea...
work work soon.

"lulzcorner"
Ciaossu.

I'm mentally and emotionally fragile.
Break me like a stick, will you?


funnypics.
Ciaossu.

Dex said bball this morning 8am,

and he freaking overslept.
ended up with only me at bukit panjang!
THANKS AR DEX!

lol.
anyways met up with them and had breakfast at BP mac.
then headed to ben's house to raid ragnaroast:D
Ragnaroast is harder than onyxia omg.
it's like a noob running thru the whole molten core,
luring all the boss and not killing the trash.
lol!
(oh it's all tcg btw :) we all quit wow-ing, dunno about WOTLK tho :D)
ben has to go out due to religious matters,
and so we hang out around the void deck.
dex and khek were playing cards,
and i fell asleep on the void deck table while watching them.
lol tired ftl :(

ben came back like 1 hour later and we went to BP to had our lunches.
lol, dex intro us the super spicy mee rebus.
and he went ahead and eat mee soto.
ended up with 3 red face and sweating me, ben and khek.
THANKS AGAIN AR DEX.

we then decided to play some dota(lan). lmao
bukit timah shopping centre...
played for 2 hours+
Dex's pretty good for a noob. (must be hiding at home playing?)
but still can't kill overpowered me(Tiny)! :)
ahh well haven't played dota for a year anyways.
headed home after playing.

anyways...
blog blog. emo emo. hahaha. shitttt.
whatever.

Wishful thinking,
is what made me feel like this today.
Stop thinking.
That's all i need to do.


oh well some "lulz". i guess..
Ciaossu.

that's how they define "reality".


I'm very confused.
very confused indeed.
i need to stop thinking about things that's not gonna happen
or it's gonna make me even more confused.
what should i do.
.
when i don't understand myself.
Life-wise
what i want, and is that what i really want.
Love-wise
that feeling, whether it's really love or just stupid wishful thinking.
and i've only known her for like what.. 3-4 weeks.
after all, chefs are meant to be loners.
i need to pull myself together.
sigh
.
i'm not depressed,
just feeling very confused.
someone help me.
please.

I really am, a selfish little asshole.
Off day is tomorrow.
Can't wait.
for some well-deserved rest.
HAHA :)
I'm really am a mood changing bastard.
What the hell is wrong with me.
and what's going on with me.
damn hormones. must be la.
that's why i say i needa see a psychologist.
i'm mind f*cked. sigh.
oh wells!

i am STUPID. What can i say
woke up at 5am this morning,
headed to work and realised it's freaking Friday(reminded by ah lun).
Friday = Afternoon shift for me.
Good fk'in game! lol.
bo bian, have to go home. so headed home lor.
blogging now, heading to my workplace again soon.
ugh. 3-11. i dunno which shift i prefer more ~_~.
sian'd! hahah so stupid la, wasted so much bus fare.
anyways. nothing much to post.


some lulz i guess!take my cookie and face my wrath! - cookie monster.
Ciaossu!

i'm tired.
very tired.
physically,
mentally
and
emotionally.
my body's breaking down soon.
i can feel it.
i need a break
a time. when i can sleep
peacefully
without disturbance or anything.
off day is on saturday.
i've been working since last tuesday.
without any offs or mc's
.


godpleasehelpme.

.

orelse
..
it's ME AGAINST THE WORLD.
I'LL REBEL TO EVERYTHING.

i need some rest.
rest, and stop thinking.
about anything.
and everything
and everyone.
i want my carefree life back.
i need somemore sleep.
night world.

noone would understand what's going through my brain
i need to see a psychologist soon
not that i'm crazy/mad.
i just don't understand myself anymore.

ohmygosh.

i smell emo post.

nearly fainted during work today.
like seriously.
was seeing double.
and when i look into the mirror i see a pale face looking back.
reason?
didn't eat breakfast and lunch.
and..
didn't sleep till 2.30 am yesterday.
i was lying on my bed, but busy thinking about some stuff.
woke up at 4.30am.
preparing for work(which is 7-3pm).
mm.. why am i like this nowadays.
perhaps i'm thinking too much.
i suck... so bad. haha.
but whatever la! need to maintain my happy face during work
i don't like to make people unhappy.

ok. enough emozone HAHA!
came home at around 5pm.
went to clean up my com side drawer.
and i found lots of old school chinese CD's i bought!
SUPPORT ORIGINAL! HAHA:).

compared with the me now.
1. They're all English or Jap songs.
2. All downloaded/got from other people music.
HAHA, STOP PIRACY! :P
oh well. whatever.

"lulzcorner" imo :)
nice bar. 'nuff said lol.
Ciaossu!

....






I'm bored! :)
LOL~
Transferred to Cafe Brio's since Monday.
Off yesterday. Didn't do much tho.
Went back to work today.
Stand in Sugar cane and Ice Kacang station..
BORING!

Was just talking to my friend.
Who's also a trainee.
'Cept he's working in the muslim kitchen... Last line he said..
SO TRUE.

oh wells.
I NEED SOME SLEEP! TIREDDDDD.
Night all.


oh not forgetting. the "lulzcorner"!
Ciaossu!

Friends > ALL
'Nuff said.

lolcornerCiaossu!

Was emo-ing about my life when i was cutting veg's today.
Talked to one of my senior, he shared with me lots of things(in alot of ahbeng terms).
Very grateful to him tho, finally i can put my mind into work properly.
Get over this 1 year. and i can have time to think when i go into the army.
Think about what?
My future.

Philosophy of the day.
Having your favorite pastime as your full time job isn't the same.

Lulz of the day.

Ciaossu.